Words that Don't Make the Day
Reader be warned: a not so light post ahead.
Today my day was almost ruined. Well, at least temporarily, until the bright faces in my upper level U.S. History classes helped me forget what I heard earlier. But even now I'm struggling a bit to deal with what I heard...
Here's what happened. At the beginning of my World History class a probably well-meaning sophomore girl comes in and says, "Mr. [my name], somebody was talking about you in the caf this morning." "Oh really?" I replied. "Were they talking smack ["smack" is code lingo for "trash," for you public school neophytes--I use words like "smack" much more quickly than some four letter alternatives many students are not averse to throwing out] about me? What about?" My pursuing this was probably a mistake. Apparently some student of mine was yelling about me, saying I am gay. Another student confirmed this. My informants didn't know who this was, but thought it was a U.S. history student of mine.
This came as a low blow to me. I love each of my students. Some of them are more easy to like than others. But I can honestly say I don't really have any feelings of ill will towards any of them. So the idea that someone is masquerading in my class as being nice and then yelling derogatory things about me behind my back is not a pleasant thought.
This leads to another point. Your opposition to anything, even if right, can be done in a wrong way. This probably isn't a startling revelation to anyone. But in the public school setting, where homophobia abounds, it is quite evident. Because of the way I have been miscategorized and "persecuted," I am now more sensitive to others who are likewise belittled.
I also guess I know what it means to love someone and have them spit in your face in return. Maybe this is how God feels about us sometimes, whenever we sin? Guess there's a valuable insight here.
I would be quite crushed if it was confirmed to me that this person is a current student of mine. I'm taking comfort in the fact that it may be someone I had for part of the year last year, who for whatever reason seemed to develop a hatred for me, and probably still refers to me in derogatory terms whenever she gets the chance. I can handle better those people who I know hate me. It's those who pretend to like me who really feel otherwise that I have a hard time dealing with. (So keep that in mind, all of you who pretend to like me. Please, please, don't ever give a hint to the real truth, if it's different than your act, because then I'll be crushed!)
Today my day was almost ruined. Well, at least temporarily, until the bright faces in my upper level U.S. History classes helped me forget what I heard earlier. But even now I'm struggling a bit to deal with what I heard...
Here's what happened. At the beginning of my World History class a probably well-meaning sophomore girl comes in and says, "Mr. [my name], somebody was talking about you in the caf this morning." "Oh really?" I replied. "Were they talking smack ["smack" is code lingo for "trash," for you public school neophytes--I use words like "smack" much more quickly than some four letter alternatives many students are not averse to throwing out] about me? What about?" My pursuing this was probably a mistake. Apparently some student of mine was yelling about me, saying I am gay. Another student confirmed this. My informants didn't know who this was, but thought it was a U.S. history student of mine.
This came as a low blow to me. I love each of my students. Some of them are more easy to like than others. But I can honestly say I don't really have any feelings of ill will towards any of them. So the idea that someone is masquerading in my class as being nice and then yelling derogatory things about me behind my back is not a pleasant thought.
This leads to another point. Your opposition to anything, even if right, can be done in a wrong way. This probably isn't a startling revelation to anyone. But in the public school setting, where homophobia abounds, it is quite evident. Because of the way I have been miscategorized and "persecuted," I am now more sensitive to others who are likewise belittled.
I also guess I know what it means to love someone and have them spit in your face in return. Maybe this is how God feels about us sometimes, whenever we sin? Guess there's a valuable insight here.
I would be quite crushed if it was confirmed to me that this person is a current student of mine. I'm taking comfort in the fact that it may be someone I had for part of the year last year, who for whatever reason seemed to develop a hatred for me, and probably still refers to me in derogatory terms whenever she gets the chance. I can handle better those people who I know hate me. It's those who pretend to like me who really feel otherwise that I have a hard time dealing with. (So keep that in mind, all of you who pretend to like me. Please, please, don't ever give a hint to the real truth, if it's different than your act, because then I'll be crushed!)
posted by redsoxwinthisyear at 12:36 AM
5 Comments:
I thought you told them clearly you're not gay! You need to get a picture with a girl, blow it up, frame it, and place it very prominently on your desk! I think you can rest assured that those you count as friends really are friends and really do like you!
I like you, too. For real.
I don't think it's that they don't like you,-possible they don't, I think they are reading you wrong.
Our society easily pins "labels" on people if they may be more talented in certain areas, are gentle... don't have any girl friends that they can see, it's not always malicious...I do it some myself... but there are certain things real gay people do that make you wonder... like talking more effeminate, the way they move...
hopefully for me it's more of a discrenment... from God than judging...
You've been judged wrongfully. I'm sorry.
If guys don't have girlfriends and they are some older, people may assume that they are gay... and you are more refined... you don't go growling around, saying crude things...but I know you don't have a girlfriend cause that's not how we do it. We wait for the right one...courtship.
I'll pray about this for you, it's rough... the public school world is rough.
Don't let it get you down, you are a man of God and you know the father of lies...so you can fight!
Public school kids can be very cruel without thinking things through... you'd possible be, surprised at how much negative they talk behind teachers backs about the teachers...
I talked to a friend about it this, she went to public schools, and is friends with non-believers and she mentioned a guy that's part of our youth group. He doesn't have a girlfriend and he's a gentl-man, hangs out with girls alot...(not chasing them) and she had some friends that thought he was gay... he's not.
Since your not chasing girls, cause you're different, don't be surprised if young corrupted minds of america think the worst of you.
I don't:) I know you're a "man" of God who is serios about following God and living God's priciples...
Ha ha Kristi, thanks for the advice. And the fact that this year I straight out told my students (like my pun?) that I'm not gay makes me continue to hope the comments came from a past student.
Marie, I think you must have broken my record for longest comment on a blog! Thanks for the kind words.
As far as thinking I look like a gentleman and therefore must be gay, I'm not sure I can plead guilty to that. I suspect this student hates me for writing them up for their misbehavior. Since they consider "gay" to be a derogatory adjective, I get the label.
looks like I kinda ran my "mouth" huh? I'm not saying you look gay, it's just that sometimes very nice guys... laid back and polite could be thought to be gay....like my friend said basically(this is in connection with the guy at youth group) if a guy is cute and doesn't have a girlfriend people assume there's a reason...
whatever... sometimes certain issues are easier to explain, discuss in person...
I wasn't there at your school when all this happened soooo I prob. don't understand everything...
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