Another Week in the History Books

School week two is done and gone, though not without some emotionally draining moments. One of them had to do with getting called into an administrator's office and being asked about comments I made in class the first day of class. I won't go into any detail about what I said, but I thought they were pretty harmless. They were intended to dispel certain rumors that have been known to circulate about me at school. But one girl claimed that what I said made her uncomfortable, so she went to her guidance counselor and asked to switch classes. Her counselor told her she needed a letter from a parent explaining the reason for the change, because generally the school does not allow lateral transfers (from one teacher to another teaching the same subject and level). It's a good thing, too, because if students had a choice of teacher for their required course, I probably wouldn't get a lot of signups, and that would make me look bad to some! After all, most teenagers would gravitate to the easier teachers if they had a choice.

Anyway, I digress. The parent wrote a letter, stating their daughter was uncomfortable having me as a teacher. So I get called in to an administrator, who wanted the story about my comments from me. I had to explain myself, which came across ok I think, though the administrator thought I could have avoided the situation by not saying anything in the first place. He also made it clear that I wasn't in trouble, which was nice to know, but that he simply wanted an explanation before he granted the transfer. I felt frustrated, as it seems that no matter what I do or don't do, nasty things result, be it rumors or upset parents. I think I'm slowly resigning myself to caring less and less about what people say about me behind my back, which is probably the healthiest solution to it all. The skin is getting thicker and thicker, in other words.

This is difficult, and a slow process, as naturally I tend to be a very sensitive soul, but thick skin is necessary for working in an environment with nasty teenagers, to put it bluntly. I already don't care that much if students talk about how difficult/demanding I am behind my back. That's a given. And since it's true, it doesn't make sense to be upset if they complain about it! :-) I can even feel positive about this type of complaining because I know that challenging students academically is a good thing for them in the long run. It's like I have a trump card over them, I know a secret that they don't, that some day they will realize the positive good that being made to work hard and achieve was. Since I can focus on that good, it is easier to put up with criticism.

The knowledge of attacks on my personal life is in a totally different category, and requires another measure of grace, I think. I have a harder time seeing the good in that. If it was an attack because of my faith or something along those lines, it would again be easier to take, because we're taught to rejoice about such things, and we know there is a reward for such suffering. But what about attacks of a personal nature, motivated no doubt from a dislike of you as a person or teacher, yet not apparently because of your faith? There seems to be no trump card here. You can't think to yourself "but someday they will be sorry for saying nasty things about me." Thick skin in these matters is something that, while thickening in me, is a little thinner right now that I'd like it to be.

Those of you who are not sensitive by nature would probably give some simple but unwise advice to this dilemma, with something along the lines of "You just need to have thicker skin!" But thick skin does not appear simply as the result of willpower. If it were that easy, we would all have it, and life would be much less agonizing. I suppose this is the same thing with healing. You can't just say "Get over it" and expect it to happen. Thick skin, healing, or whatever the need is often takes time. Would that I could be hardened right now to anything I hear said about me that is untrue! Maybe by next year?

Switching subjects abruptly, I lost several students out of my advanced class this week, including two seemingly bright girls who I think would have done very well in the class. However, they felt like they had too much on their plate, so they dropped it. The good news is that both of them are still planning on coming back next semester, so I know it isn't something personal against me. I also gained a student this week. Even so, the class has only 11 in it now, which makes me feel quite guilty because other teachers in the department have as many as 37 in one class! Yet it is a different subject and level, so there is solid justification for keeping my class, despite it being an elective that students do not have to take. And if I can put my guilt aside, it is a sweet situation for me, as it makes correcting the many papers I will have them write that much easier...

We only had four days of school this week. One day was free due to elections taking place. This was nice, as it gave me a chance to get some correcting done, and catch my breath a little. Starting the school year up with a 3 day week, then 4 day week before having a full week is a good idea. But next week things will be extremely busy, with a full week of school, the start of rehearsals for Fiddler, auditions and casting for the school play I'm directing, and the start of rehearsals for that. Whew! I'm so glad for a chance to rest now!