Over the Hill and Punk Popes
I guess I'm officially over the hill now. I got a letter in the mail awhile ago from AARP. It begins: Dear [my name], our records show that you haven't yet registered for the benefits of AARP membership, even though you are fully eligible... As a member, you'll have the resources and information you need to get the most out of life over 50."
What is this? I want to know, do they send this form letter out to everyone, and assume that anyone under 50 will simply discard it? Has anyone else nowhere near 50 gotten a letter like this? Or do they really have their records messed up somehow, and I'm in their system as a balding/greying man who is closer to retirement than his first year as a teacher? I'm tempted to sign up. Can you imagine cashier's reactions, were I to try to use an AARP card anywhere it is accepted? "I'll take that ten percent discount, please. Here's my card," I'll calmly state as I flash the pass. Or I might attempt to adopt a little croak in my voice, and use this line: "It's senior citizen discount day, isn't it? Pardon me, but I'm suffering from a rare disease that makes me look about twenty-five years younger than I really am. It's a pity more people don't have it. Ever hear of Ponce de Leon, sonny boy? I think I've found what he never did. Here's my AARP card, if you don't really believe I'm eligible." If I talk fast enough, maybe they'll believe me...
In other news, I learned something new about the pope today. Quoting a student's research paper on hippies: "There are Goths who prefer heavy-metal music and black, baggy cloths, there are also the skater punks who listen to a more popish version of the original punk music and wear tighter clothing than Goths." (Don't ask me how Goths relate to hippies; they don't, and he lost major points in the staying on topic category.) I didn't know that Goths wore baggy "cloths." And I didn't know that the pope has his brand of punk music. I bet that's something the cardinals didn't know about Benedict when they elected him to succeed John Paul II...
What is this? I want to know, do they send this form letter out to everyone, and assume that anyone under 50 will simply discard it? Has anyone else nowhere near 50 gotten a letter like this? Or do they really have their records messed up somehow, and I'm in their system as a balding/greying man who is closer to retirement than his first year as a teacher? I'm tempted to sign up. Can you imagine cashier's reactions, were I to try to use an AARP card anywhere it is accepted? "I'll take that ten percent discount, please. Here's my card," I'll calmly state as I flash the pass. Or I might attempt to adopt a little croak in my voice, and use this line: "It's senior citizen discount day, isn't it? Pardon me, but I'm suffering from a rare disease that makes me look about twenty-five years younger than I really am. It's a pity more people don't have it. Ever hear of Ponce de Leon, sonny boy? I think I've found what he never did. Here's my AARP card, if you don't really believe I'm eligible." If I talk fast enough, maybe they'll believe me...
In other news, I learned something new about the pope today. Quoting a student's research paper on hippies: "There are Goths who prefer heavy-metal music and black, baggy cloths, there are also the skater punks who listen to a more popish version of the original punk music and wear tighter clothing than Goths." (Don't ask me how Goths relate to hippies; they don't, and he lost major points in the staying on topic category.) I didn't know that Goths wore baggy "cloths." And I didn't know that the pope has his brand of punk music. I bet that's something the cardinals didn't know about Benedict when they elected him to succeed John Paul II...
posted by redsoxwinthisyear at 9:49 PM
3 Comments:
Go for it! If anybody tries to deny you---show them your letter and threaten an age discrimination suit---using a cane will help the image and maybe a little talcum powder in the hair... Tee Hee! 8~D
I think you SHOULD try to join up, just to see if you can. Then quit, since you're honest, and make a big stink about it and make millions off of them :-)
yeah...it's rough getting old, haha, that made me laugh though.
Post a Comment
<< Home