Over the Hill and Punk Popes

I guess I'm officially over the hill now. I got a letter in the mail awhile ago from AARP. It begins: Dear [my name], our records show that you haven't yet registered for the benefits of AARP membership, even though you are fully eligible... As a member, you'll have the resources and information you need to get the most out of life over 50."

What is this? I want to know, do they send this form letter out to everyone, and assume that anyone under 50 will simply discard it? Has anyone else nowhere near 50 gotten a letter like this? Or do they really have their records messed up somehow, and I'm in their system as a balding/greying man who is closer to retirement than his first year as a teacher? I'm tempted to sign up. Can you imagine cashier's reactions, were I to try to use an AARP card anywhere it is accepted? "I'll take that ten percent discount, please. Here's my card," I'll calmly state as I flash the pass. Or I might attempt to adopt a little croak in my voice, and use this line: "It's senior citizen discount day, isn't it? Pardon me, but I'm suffering from a rare disease that makes me look about twenty-five years younger than I really am. It's a pity more people don't have it. Ever hear of Ponce de Leon, sonny boy? I think I've found what he never did. Here's my AARP card, if you don't really believe I'm eligible." If I talk fast enough, maybe they'll believe me...

In other news, I learned something new about the pope today. Quoting a student's research paper on hippies: "There are Goths who prefer heavy-metal music and black, baggy cloths, there are also the skater punks who listen to a more popish version of the original punk music and wear tighter clothing than Goths." (Don't ask me how Goths relate to hippies; they don't, and he lost major points in the staying on topic category.) I didn't know that Goths wore baggy "cloths." And I didn't know that the pope has his brand of punk music. I bet that's something the cardinals didn't know about Benedict when they elected him to succeed John Paul II...

Fan Competitions and Facial Hair

Even though I'm exhausted, and have many papers to correct and lots stuff to do (not to mention try and watch some of The Big Game tonight--the score is Red Sox 2, Yankees 0 so far, as I proudly posted on my chalkboard late in the day), I decided I have to share some random happenings in my school life.

One: Plagiarism is an awful issue to deal with. I'm having to deal with it in multiple cases with a major research paper I assigned to my students. Then I saw some news item about how its rampant, so one teacher's solution was to have most of the writing done in class. How lame is that? How can a student go through the important process of learning to do a research paper by writing it in class? I think the answer is they can't. So apparently some teachers are caving in to the moral depravity of mankind by having the writing take place in front of them. At the same time they're depriving them of a valuable learning experience. As for me and my class, students will write major research papers. And I suppose until the word gets around that I probably will catch you if you plagiarize, I do not tolerate it, and you could fail my class for doing so, students will continue to cheat this way. The hardest part has been confronting students for whom I have a lot of respect because of how well they have done to date. It's hard when students you have felt good about because of their past performance in your class get caught doing this. Sigh.

In other news, I decided to start a competition between my classes on a fund raiser. No, we're not raising money to cure AIDS, or end world hunger. We're raising money to buy 1, maybe 2 oscillating fans. For my classroom. I told my students it's going to get warm in the room shortly. 60 bucks will buy a sweet oscillating fan that is advertised as being quiet. (Quietness is key; I'm not putting a fan in the room that I have to yell over to be heard, thereby killing my voice in about one day's time.) As nice a guy as I am, I'm not going to spring that money myself. So we will raise it. It's purely voluntary, but the class that gives the most money will be able to eat and drink in class for a week. And we'll all be cooler. My sophomores and freshmen have given very little, but my four junior classes have put in about 45 dollars so far. And the campaign just started yesterday! I'm optimistic that come June a cooling, artificial breeze will be my constant companion in a potentially stuffy classroom. And I'm thinking about future drives for other items: a quiet, quality electric pencil sharpener ($35); an overhead projector ($300-400ish); a movie projector ($1000ish); ok, maybe not.

One thing I found really amusing was the negotiating tactic one class took while talking about this competiton. While all the classes wanted to barter for a better prize, one student suggested I should wear "the sweater" as a reward for them. (See previous post, from months ago for more info.) It has been referred to before in this class, but apparently the baggy sweater that made me look fat made quite an impression on my students. Now I can refer to it as "the sweater," and they all know what I am talking about. I wore it to school once. They still remember it, and are greatly amused by the memory of my wearing it, whenever the topic comes up. So I asked my class how many of them would be better motivated to give money if they knew I would wear "The Sweater" one more time. Hands shot up all over the room. So I promised them to wear it once, if they win. Right now they are ahead of everyone else!

Other fun. I decided to give a gift extra credit question on the test my U.S. History students took. This was it:
What should [my name] do with his facial hair?
A. Shave it off
B. Grow a full beard
C. Grow out the moustache, then curl it and wax it to fit his dictatorial persona
D. Keep it as it is, it's hot
E. I didn't notice [my name] had any facial hair

Many of them answered "C," and I'm wondering if they knew this question was a joke! I guess the joke's on me. Reaction to this question has amused me. One student thought the question was "sick." I think he doesn't have my sense of humor and realize it's a joke. Someone else asked if they were allowed to say answer D. (I didn't know calling a teacher's beard "hot" is a rule infraction). I cautioned some of my students to get the right answer, and expressed a hope with others that they had picked the correct choice. This caused some consternation, as some apparently thought that I was going to give them credit no matter what answer they gave (actually, I probably will, but it was more fun to play it along a little bit). At least one student didn't answer the question (what, too "cool" to answer a silly question? Too bad, no two extra points for you!) "Matt" (again, see previous post) elaborated on his answer, discussing about five different possibilities not listed, such as growing sideburns (which, according to him, would really make me "hot"), or dying it pink, then chose two answers. Haven't decided yet how to score that one.

Mexican Mormons

At the expense of my one my students, I have to pass this along. (Little inspiration or being otherwise occupied will keep this short.) I justify my making fun of her by the fact that I also have great affection for her, so it's all in good humor. On second thought, I'd probably also make fun of any student I disliked, if given the chance. But suffice it to say that this one is not in that category...

It has to do with something that is common with high school students: a tendency not to use quite the right word in any given sentence. The poor word choices pop up rather unexpectedly in any given paper, and sometimes to my great amusement. Case in point: her paper on Mormonism included something like this: "Most Mormons live on the outskirts of America." I suspect she meant "outside" of America, as in Africa or somewhere. Nevertheless, in light of the recent hot news topic regarding (illegal) immigration, this conjures up a rather funny picture in my mind: Mexican Mormons lurking around the U.S. border, just waiting for their chance to hop the line and enter the country. Or maybe they just sit contentedly south of the border, singing hymns and reading the Book of Mormon...